


There's an Alien in my closet

by Trench_coats_and_denim_jeans



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean Lance (Voltron), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone becomes friends, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Human Keith (Voltron), Keith and Pidge are childhood friends, Keith is underwhelmed, Lance Is Offended, M/M, Multi, Pidge and Keith are alien nerds, and then they find one, bc life is stressful and everyone needs some fluff to unwind, bc that shit is crack to me, broganes, just go with it guys, just literal fluff with a plot guys, slowburn, to keep Lance's identity secret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-06-08 03:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15234567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trench_coats_and_denim_jeans/pseuds/Trench_coats_and_denim_jeans
Summary: Keith and Pidge stumble upon an alien in the desert one night. The Altean Prince Lance is everything alien enthusiast Keith DIDN'T hope for, but  he's stuck on earth since his ship is down and Keith gets saddled with taking him in.AKA: The one where Keith and Pidge try to hide an alien, but suck at it, so they just try to pass him off as Keith's new foreign boyfriend.





	1. It's Altean, not alien

**Author's Note:**

> So I literally cannot find ANY fics where Keith or Lance are human and end up stumbling upon an alien version of the other on earth.
> 
> But I had a mighty need for it.
> 
> So here it is.  
> (Also if any of you DO KNOW of a fic where that happens for the love of GOD hook me up)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's some crappy artwork by me in there, don't expect it often I'm fickle when it comes to drawing lawl

Keith Kogane has known Katie Holt for about sixteen years now. He knows her weirdly intricate thoughts on peanuts and their different forms, that at twelve years old she chopped her hair off because Mulan did it (he also knows while she said it was scissors, she actually used one of his knives, because he was with her). Her preferred name is Pidge, one of her first memories is Keith tricking her into giving him her lollipop in exchange for a caterpillar and she _does not_ go to bed before 2 AM.

Which is the current point of concern for him, because for the past week she has been ditching video games and even alien documentaries to _go to bed_ at 10.

He has literally been her next door neighbor since she was born, this shit isn't gonna fly.

That's why he's currently spying on her from his bedroom window.

Which is not weird.

It's around midnight now and he notices her sneaking out her back door, heading for their old playhouse-turned-observatory in her backyard. They use it at least once a week to look out at the stars and try to find evidence of aliens.

Which is also not weird.

Despite what his former high school classmates think.

He watches her disappear into their little wooden hideout and decides to investigate.

Tossing a red coat on over his pajamas he sneaks out to the small building, quietly opening the door to see Pidge surrounded by computers and telescopes, thousands of papers scattered around with strange drawings on them of mapped out stars and landscapes located in the desert near their houses.

“What-” Keith begins, making Pidge jump and let out a small scream, “-Calm down, it's just me….”He says, picking up some papers before eying her suspiciously, “What have you been _doing? Without me_?”

Pidge at least has the decency to look guilty, “Well, um, I...you see...” Her eyes suddenly go bright with excitement as she holds up some sketches, “I've been picking up some strange frequencies lately and decided to look into it. I was going to tell you, but you've been stressing over finals this semester so I figured I would wait until the weekend or I was entirely sure. But you're here and the satellite is picking up some _crazy shit_ so I think we should grab your motorcycle and head out to these coordinates.” She says with a grin, shoving a piece of paper in his hands, “Because if I'm right, something _amazing_ is going to happen there tonight.”

Keith stares at the paper, then the computers and the drawings in Pidge's hands, before smirking, “I don't really think the motorcycle would be the best idea. Let's take your jeep.”

Pidge scowls, “I can't drive it with you, remember? Learners permit, you have to be twenty one, and your ass is only nineteen.”

Keith shrugs, “Your parents put me on the insurance, too, so I'll drive. You grab the equipment.” He orders, catching the keys when she tosses them.

“Why am I stuck with the heavy lifting?” Pidge grumbles and Keith shrugs.

“Punishment for trying to keep a secret from me.”

“Ugh, you really are Shiro’s brother…”

He gets the small green jeep out as quietly as possible and they pack it up quickly before heading to the coordinates using the GPS on Pidge's phone.

Naturally it's out in the middle of the desert, about half an hour away from their houses.

After parking, making sure to do so about ten miles away from what Pidge has deemed the strike zone, they set up telescopes and her laptop to monitor for any odd activity.

It's a quiet night outside, the sky completely clear, and Keith can’t help but wonder if maybe Pidge is wrong. This wouldn't be the first time, honestly. She’s ‘found’ evidence of something big before only to be wrong, they both have.

Still, neither is ever willing to take the chance that they dismiss the other and end up actually missing something, so here he is at 1 A.M. in is pajamas in the desert, searching the night sky for... _something_.

Pidge of course is the first to see anything, “Keith! Check it out!” She exclaims, never taking her eyes away from the telescope.

Keith makes note of where she’s and positions himself closer to her.

That's when he sees it, too.

A bright blue light hurdling down to _exactly_ where Pidge calculated.

As it draws closer, Keith notices the size and realizes they are still probably in a dangerous spot. He quickly jumps up and grabs Pidge’s arm going to move them, but it's too late. The light too close to the ground and Keith immediately pulls Pidge into his arms, using his body and thin jacket to shield her from the oncoming sand as best as he can once it crashes down. He doesn't see anything, his eyes tightly shut and hiding in Pidge's hair, but he hears and feels the sand whipping past them before a mechanical sound rumbles from beneath the ground and everything stills.

He doesn’t move immediately, making sure it's safe,before he lifts his head from its hiding place and looks around. The jeep is fine, although _extremely_ dirty, but to his surprise all of the equipment they laid out is untouched. He let's go of Pidge and walks over to inspect it.

“ _Oh man!_ ” Pidge exclaims, a huge grin on her face, “How _insane_ was that!? We didn't even get hurt! The _equipment_ didn't even get hurt!” She lifts up the hood of her jeep and cheers, “My baby's engine is even untouched!”

Keith walks over and, sure enough, just like the equipment her jeep’s engine is completely clean. Not a speck of dirt on it. The outside is covered, just like the nearby rocks and plants, but all of the mechanical things seem to be clean. _He_ was covered, too, but somehow after that strange rumbling from the ground all of the sand seemed to slough off of him into a pile at his feet.

Soon he has a grin to rival Pidge's.

This is _definitely_ alien activity.

“We've gotta check out the landing site.” He says and Pidge nods.

“We _absolutely_ have to check out the landing site!” She exclaims, grabbing a few of her gadgets before leading the way.

When they arrive at the site there is a large crater in the sand, about a mile wide and _probably_ 30 feet deep. Whatever landed there has fallen into what must be a cave beneath the dirt and while Keith _should_ be apprehensive about diving in there, but he's definitely not.

“Alright, I'll go in. You stay up-”

“Absolutely not!” Pidge glares, “Don't treat me like a kid, Keith. I might be sixteen, but we're both sophomores in college so _don't try me_.”

Keith groans, “Fine, we'll both go in. At least then if we _both_ get crushed I won't have to face the wrath of everyone knowing I let you go in there.”

“Hah, you fucking wish you had a say in what I did.” Pidge scoffs as they head down the crater, “Hey, do you see that blue light coming from the hole?”

“Looks like it's keeping the sand out,” Keith frowns, “Think it will keep us out, too?”

“Nah, we'll find a way.” Pidge says, a determined look in her eyes when they finally reach the bottom. They peak inside the hole, mapping out their route to climb down.

That's when they see it.

The large cylindrical pod standing straight and tall in the middle of the rubble from its crash landing.

“ _Holy shit_.” Pidge breathes and Keith can only nod, crouching down and moving a limb towards the blue light to see if it does anything.

It doesn't.

His hand goes right through as if it's not there.

“So it allows organic lifeforms in,” Pidge muses, “This is _amazing_.” She grins, the both of them carefully sliding in and crawling down the walls in tandem.

There's a loud echo when they finally drop to the ground, but nothing is shaking. The cave is still, eerily still for something that just got a huge hole punched into it. Keith looks up at the light coming from the pod and surrounding the hole.

“It must be keeping this place structurally sound.” Pidge says, “Sounds like it's a pretty big cave, though, I wonder if there is a spot we can walk out of somewhere?”

“Maybe, but it would probably be too far from our stuff...” Keith mutters, his eyes going to the pod in front of them. He's pretty sure they are currently looking at the back, all one solid piece of silver metal that curves around to the front. There’s strange markings on it, ones he’s never even seen in the most detailed of alien reports and blogs he’s look through over the years.

He knows, though. They’re definitely _not_ human.

Excitement begins to bubble up in his chest as they walk around the pod, landing where he believes is the front. There's a deep blue glass that encompasses it, jutting out from the metal like a protective shield. Or maybe a door.

“Alright! I’m gonna open it!” Pidge exclaims, feeling around the blue glass and pulling on the edges to try and get it to budge.

Nothing happens.

That doesn’t stop her, though, and soon she is just _poking_ everything until some strange board pops out to the left of the glass, “Ah-HAH!, get ready, Keith!” She exclaims, going over to it and once again pressing blindly in hopes of a reaction.

Keith thinks about going to join her at the stange panel, but is quickly stopped when the glass vanishes and an ice cold mist comes jetting out, along with a body. He moves to catch it and the head crashes into his chest  with a painful thud as the rest of the form begins to slump down before he gets a good grip on the hips, keeping it up and against him as much as he can with the taller, lanky, form. “ _Wow,”_  He breathes out before turning towards Pidge, “I could, um, use a little help over here.”

Pidge comes over and stares wide eyed at the alien in his arms, “ _Holy shit_.”

“What's it look like?” Keith asks, excited, he sees pointy ears and white hair, but the rest is covered by a blue cape from his angle.

“Pretty sure it's a he...and he honestly looks almost _human_.”

They both frown.

“Well that's a letdown.” Keith mutters, a good deal of his excitement dissipating and Pidge nods.

“I want me some bug eyed grey dudes, come on universe.”

“So...what should we do now?” He asks, sliding his arms up to the creature’s shoulders so he might move it to the floor somewhere.

Before he can do anything, though, the alien begins to groan, it’s voice muffled by Keith’s chest. It looks up at Keith, and while disappointing from an alien standpoint,it's _gorgeous_ from a human one. Pidge was definitely right, this alien is a he and he looks _shockingly_ human aside from the elfish ears and strange blue markings on his cheeks. Once he comes to a little, the alien’s eyes are focus intently on Keith's face, a deep blue with odd purple specks engulfed in the pupils.

Definitely not terrifying or buggy, but they might easily be the most _beautiful_ eyes he's ever seen.

“Are you…” The alien begins, brows furrowed in confusion as he looks Keith over, “From another planet…?”

“Um, technically-”

“Because your body is _out of this world_!

Keith's fingers twitch, along with his eye,tempted to drop him as Pidge laughs from nearby, “You can't be serious. We stumble upon an alien after all these years and he looks human and makes _puns?_ ” He groans, literally all of the thrill from stumbling upon this guy _lost._

“Whoa, hey,” The alien begins, standing up on his own and crossing his arms, “I'm just making nice with the natives.” He sighs when Keith's frown conveys to him just how _not into it_ he is. “Fine, jeez, nevermind then. Guess I’ll just cut to the chase, grumpy. The name’s Lance. I'm Prince of the planet Altea and, well, I’ve come here seeking refuge...I guess.” His voice has an edge of bitterness to it towards the end but there’s not really time to dwell on that.

Pidge and Keith share an uncomfortable look before she turns to him and speaks up, “You chose a shitty planet to seek refuge in.”

Lance frowns, his focus now on Pidge, “What planet _is_ this?” He asks, looking her up and down curiously, “And what species are you two?”

“We’re human.” Pidge answers, “I’m Pidge, grumpy is Keith, our planet is called earth, part of the milky way galaxy.” She goes on to give brief lesson to him on earth, finishing off on the different sets of time from seconds to days and years. “But, as I said before, out planet is not the best choice for refuge.”

“Huh, well, I guess I’ll just have to re-calibrate this guy and head out.” Lance turns back to his pod and presses the blue glass, bringing up a screen that quickly goes static and fades out, before the entire pod itself seems to shut down, leaving only the blue light holding the cave together, “Well, shitty or not it looks like my pod is damaged, so I’m kinda...stuck for a bit.” He lets out a heavy sigh and presses his forehead to the glass, “Ugh, I can’t believe this. I didn’t even _want_ to leave, and now I’m stuck on some planet that’s basically an _infant_ in the universe and it's primitive lifeforms aren’t even intelligent enough to see my charm.”

“Ok, we are literally _right_ next to you, _Lance_.” Keith huffs, earning him an unamused look from the alien.

“That’s _Prince_ Lance to you.” He corrects and Keith raises a brow.

“Seriously? You just called me primitive, I’m not calling you _prince_.”

“That’s one of the many reasons _why_ you should call me prince. I’m _clearly_ above you.”

With every passing second this alien speaks, Keith is questioning his interest in the extraterrestrial more and more.

“ _So,_ ” Pidge says loudly, making sure to get their attention, “Your pod isn’t working correctly, huh? I’m not too surprised, our atmosphere is pretty dangerous for things not specifically catered to it. Still, though, if you’re stuck here, you need a place to stay where no one will see you and _this_ ,” She gestures to the wreckage, “Needs to be hidden if possible. While this isn’t a very busy spot in the desert, it still gets some traffic and _who knows_ if anyone else saw you land...er...well...crash.”

Lance sighs, eying the mess he made, “I see your point.”

“Don’t you have some alien magic that could fix this up?” Keith asks and Lance’s mouth drops.

“Don’t I-? _What_ ?” He asks, shaking his head in disbelief, “I am pretty sure you mean _Altean_ , first of all, and no. Do I look like some fucking _fake ass wizard_?”

“No, you look like some fucking _fake ass elf_.” He hisses, making Lance gasp.

“How _dare_ you! I don’t know what that is, but it _sounds_ offensive!” Lance looks to Pidge, “Is it offensive?”

She shrugs, “I mean, technically, on our planet elves are considered one of the most beautiful mythical races, sooo....” Her eyes wander to Keith with a shit eating grin on her face. “You tell me.”

Keith levels her with an unamused look. That's _not_ what he meant.

“Oh,” Lance smirks at him, “ _Ooohhh_.”

“No.” Keith says flatly, “Just. _No_ .” He looks at the wreckage again, “So if you don’t have some magical cure all for this, what are we gonna do? Finding a way to _fill in_ the crater will take way too long, not to mention close up the only way we have to return and work on his pod.”

“Well, I don’t have a _magical cure all,_ but I do have a basic scientific cure-some.” Lance offers, reaching into a hidden pocket in his pants and holding up a small pearl-like stone. “On Altean ships we have these things called holodecks, where one can go and feel like they are back home on long voyages. Some ships don’t have room for them, though, so my sister actually created these little guys. You tell it the location and they will scan the area, mapping out it’s original form before  duplicating it perfectly. Anywhere in the galaxy, just give it coordinates and it’s ready to go.”

“How convenient,” Keith muses as Pidge pushes past him to stare at it, starry eyed.

“That’s insane, this is _insane_. Your technology is millenia ahead of ours.” She holds her hands out and Lance drops the stone in them with an easy smile, “Is there any way I can come visit your planet after all of this?”

“As long as your people don’t try to come and destroy it, definitely.” Lance grins, “It’s a beautiful planet that should be admired by the entire universe, after all.”

“I bet! Just the technology alone is…” Pidge sighs dreamily, “ _Amazing_.”

Lance soon takes the stone from her, moving his finger in a strange pattern before she gives him the coordinates of their location. As soon as she’s finished saying them, the stone rumbles, the same strange writings from on the pod starting to appear on it before falling to the floor and creating an all encompassing projection that hides the pod, the hole, and from the looks of it the massive crater left from the impact.

“Holy _shit_ !” Pidge exclaims, feeling the area where the illusion is and actually being unable to touch the pod that should be right in front of her, “How-? _My god_ I think I’m in love!” She decides, looking where the stone is buried under the sand, “I would _literally kill_ to meet your sister, Prince Lance!”

“No need for that, I’m sure!” Lance smirks, “Allura loves to meet new races.”

“Ok, so now that we have hiding _that_ taken care of...where are we going to put this?” Keith asks, pointing to Lance and receiving an appalled gasp from the alien.

“I’m not a _thing,_ you know!”

“Keith, stop antagonizing the _alien prince_.” Pidge groans, “As for where he’s gonna stay...I don’t think...I mean, we don’t have a lot of options. He can’t stay with me, my entire family works for the Garrison.”

“Wha-?” Keith gapes, fearing he knows _exactly_ where this is heading and he _does not_ like it, “No, absolutely not. My brother works there, too, you know!”

“ _Yeeaaahhhh_ , but he’s _one_ person who is _rarely_ home and respects your privacy as opposed to my _three people_ where at least one is always home and _all of them_ are extremely nosey. Also, I’d like to see _you_ shine a teenage girl having an older guy hiding in her room in a positive light.” Pidge points out and both Keith and Lance grimace.

“She has a point…” Lance mutters, “A man being caught in a woman’s room is kind of…”

“I know, I know.” Keith groans, “So, what, _I_ have to take him home? _You_ found him.” He points out. There is _no way_ he is taking some cocky prince home.

Fucking _none._

Pidge grins at him, “Remember when literally two days ago we were having a Mario Kart match to see who would keep any alien we found in their place? Irony’s a _bitch_ , huh?”

Keith glares at her, “That was when I thought we’d find an alien that looked like an alien and not something tantamount to a guy cosplaying an _elven prince_. Besides, I lost that race. He should be your responsibility.”

“Ok, couple things.” Lance speaks up, grabbing their attention before he holds up a finger, “One; way to make a prince feel wanted, guys. Seriously feeling the love here-”

“You shouldn’t.” Keith chimes in, quickly being elbowed in the gut by Pidge.

“Two,” Lance continues, pointedly ignoring him as he holds up another finger, “What is this _Garrison_ and why should I care if someone I’m staying with works there? And three,” He holds up a third finger, “It’s _Altean_ . Not ‘ _alien’_. Seriously, guys, your ears may look odd but I know they work.”

Pidge and Keith’s hands immediately shoot up to their ears for a moment, suddenly self-conscious, before Pidge speaks up, “Ok, so…sorry about that, I honestly would _happily_ take you with me if I could get away with it, but with you looking like a human male I really can’t” She shoots Keith a look, “And he’s just upset because you _weird looking_ enough. It’s not you, specifically. I promise.”

“No, she’s wrong, for me it’s you, specifically.” Keith says, “You look too human, you’re kind of a dick...really, you are very underwhelming from an alien point of view.”

Pidge groans, “Keith, seriously!? _Why?_ ” She looks back to Lance, “ _Anyways_ , the Garrison is our space research center. My parents and brother are well respected scientists there, and Keith’s brother is a well respected pilot. I’d guess technically he and my brother and dad are astronauts, too but, they’ve only gone into space once. Now, as for _aliens_ , we are in fact purposefully saying that. It’s a term on earth for extraterrestrial creatures, or anything alive that exists off of our planet. We’ve never seen aliens before, you’re the first to land here as far as we know _for sure_ , but yeah. It’s just a general term.”

“I see…” Lance frowns, “And if this Garrison were to find me, they would-?”

“Take you,” Pidge says.

“Dissect you,” Keith adds.

“And find and colonize your planet.” She finishes, Lance’s expression now one of pure horror, “B-but we won’t let that happen!”

“Yeah, Pidge here is a tech genius so she should be able to help you with your pod, and like she said I’m pretty much always alone at home so no one is going to discover you there. It’ll probably take, like, a week. Tops.” Keith offers, admittedly feeling a _little_ sympathy at least for the other alteans.

“I mean,” Pidge frowns, “It kinda depends on what we need to do and what tools we need to fix it...but it _definitely_ won’t be longer than a month.”

Lance’s brows furrow as he clearly tries to convert their time frames into whatever units of measurement Alteans use, “I...see...well, a month isn’t _great_ but I supposed I can survive. Hopefully.”

“We’re not gonna let you die.” Keith assures him, “But, um, to be safe we _are_ gonna need to cover your face when we leave here.”

Pidge nods, “No human has pointy ears, or marks like that under their eyes, so…”

“Oh, right, I have to blend in.” Lance nods, his ears suddenly shrinking and taking on a rounder shape as the blue markings under his eyes vanish, “Better?”

“No alien magic _my ass._ ” Keith grumbles under his breath.

“It’s not magic, _Keith_ , it’s simply Altean genetics. As a race with an aptitude for diplomacy, we can quickly observe a new language and master it, as well as take on the form of any other species we might need to.” Lance explains and Keith’s eyes light up.

“How about a dog? I could _easily_ get away with bringing a dog home. Hell, _Pidge_ could even take you, then.”

“No, Keith, it has to be...um...I believe the earth term would be ‘humanoid’.”

Keith frowns, “Oh. Figures.”

“Would you stop being _unimpressed_ with me?” Lance whines, “Jesus, I've done a bunch of cool shit already, and aren’t you supposed to be in awe of the first _alien_ you’ve ever encountered?”

“What can I say?” Keith smirks, “ I guess you're just _underwhelming_.”

“You’ve already said that!” The alien shrieks and Keith shrugs.

“The truth bears repeating.”

“Ugh, _enough already_ ,” Pidge groans, walking back over to the wall, “As fun as it is to hang out in a cave at night, we need to get home. So can we go through this hologram or do we need to find a different way out?”

“Nah, we’ll be fine.” Lance smiles at her, “You go first, I’ll be behind you in case you fall.” He begins, going to follow her until Keith’s hand grabs his shoulder, “Wha-?”

“She doesn’t _need_ you to be behind her, first of all, and _second of all_ your ass is going first in case this holodeck thing malfunctions somehow and zaps someone.”

 

Lance glares back at him, “First of all, my holo _gem_ is structurally sound, thank you very much. Second of all, it doesn’t work in a way that it would _zap_ her if it didn’t. Maybe your little neanderthal brain cannot comprehend that, but-”

“ _Neanderthal!?”_ Keith hisses and Lance turns to face him.

“That’s right! Neanderthal! You cannot appreciate _my_ greatness and you cannot appreciate my _technology’s_ greatness than _clearly_ you are underdeveloped! It’s pretty obvious to me that either Pidge is a genius among your species or you are just an _idiot_ of a human!”

“Jesus fucking…” Pidge grumbles before chucking a rock between the two of them, catching their attention, “Get your asses on that wall and _climb_ . My parents will be up in a few hours and your brother will be _home_ in a few hours unless he grabbed another double, so if we don’t want Prince Lance here to get caught we need to _move our asses_.”

Keith and Lance both shoot her a dirty look, but do as she says. The three of them luckily make quick work getting back to the jeep, Lance grumbling to himself when they make him help pack up their stuff before leaving.

“Wow! A mechanical mode of transportation!” Lance gasps when he finally gets a good look at the jeep, “I guess you aren’t as primitive as I initially assumed.” He smiles, hopping into the back seat as Keith and Pidge share an exasperated look.

“ _How_ important is it that I don’t kill him, again?” Keith asks and Pidge sighs.

“He is an emissary from a distant, far more advanced planet. Keeping him safe is literally a matter of life or death for all of earth.”

“Hm…” He looks up at the sky, the sound of Lance complaining about the look of his small round ears in the rearview mirror reaching them, “I think earth has had a good run.”

“Keith our planet is a literal _baby_ , get your ass in that jeep and for the love of everything _stop arguing with him._ ” Pidge groans before both of them get in the jeep.

The drive home is pretty quiet as Pidge begins to doze off in the passenger seat and Lance just silently stares in awe at his new surroundings. Once they reach Pidge’s driveway, though, the silence comes to an end as Lance looks around curiously.

“Is this your home, Keith?”

“No, this is Pidge’s place.” Keith sighs and Lance smiles at her as she begins to wake back up.

“You have a lovely home.”

“Why _thank_ you, Lance.” Pidge shoots him a tired grin, “I’m sure my family would love to know it has an alien’s seal of approval.”

“ _Why_ are you so nice to Pidge?” Keith groans when he finally parks inside the garage, “She’s _a kid_ , you know.”

“I’m not...I’m not _flirting_ with her, _Keith_!” Lance gasps, genuinely appalled, which, good. “She is simply a sweet and helpful young lady.”

“She is literally _none_ of those things.” He grumbles, “I mean, I guess ‘young lady’ is debatable because she _is_ young and she _is_ female but she’s by no means lady-like.”

Pidge shrugs, “Yeah, that’s fair.” She hops out of the jeep, coming around to the drivers side to take the keys from Keith, “I’ll see you guys in the morning. Try not to kill each other before then.”

“No promises.” Keith grumbles and Lance scoffs.

“Please, I could take you down with my _pinky_ finger.” He mocks, looking _way_ too sure of this fact.

“Hah, like some spoiled little Prince coul-!” Keith goes rigid when a pair of arms wrap around his waist and hoist him off his feet, bringing him chest-to-chest and face-to-face with a smug Lance.

“You were saying?” He asks as Keith grabs his shoulders for some semblance of stability.

“ _What are you doing_ ? Put me _down,_ you-!”

Pidge clears her throat, looking in unamused, “Right, well, please also refrain from _fucking the alien_ tonight, Keith.”

“I would _never-!”_ Keith begins before Lance moves his arms away, allowing the human to _slam his feet_ on the pavement, “ _Fuck. This. Alien.”_ He finishes, glaring at Lance darkly as Pidge heads for the door into her house from the garage.

“Yup, cool, now get home before Shiro does.” She says, sounding _way too_ unconvinced.

“Alright,” Keith turns to Lance after Pidge disappears behind the door, “There’s gonna be some _ground rules_ and you’re _gonna listen_ to them.”

Lance crosses his arms and straightens his back out to make sure he’s looking down on Keith as much as possible when he smirks, “We’ll see.”

Keith shoots Lance an exasperated look before turning to glare at Pidge’s door, cursing his best friend for saddling him with literally the _worst_ alien they could have found.

He should have just befriended Matt instead.

  



	2. Primitive lifeforms don't like to be called primitive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance gets ready to spend his first day on earth alone.

“Look, Lance, it’s too dangerous for you here.” Alfor said, grabbing his son by the shoulders and pushing him towards a pod. “Zarkon has declared war, and only Coran and those who can pilot a lion can stay on the castleship.”

“Father, please!” Lance begged, tears in his eyes, “I  _ know _ Blue gave me up for Allura, but I could still be useful! I could-!”

“I  _ need  _ you to do this for me, Lance.” Alfor looked at his son with a desperate pain in his eyes and Lance went stiff, “I need to know one of my children is safe and far away from all of this. Allura must battle, but you….Lance you must hide on another planet and wait for us to retrieve you. Learn their ways, befriend the different species that reside there.” He smiled, a tired smile that barely lifted the corners of his lips and didn’t reach his eyes, “I love you, Lance. I know you will be great wherever you land and make me proud.”

Lance wanted to argue, wanted to fight to stay with his father and his sister, but he knew that more than he needed to be with his family and prove his usefulness, his father needed to know at least one of his children was safe. He relented, letting out a heavy sigh before smiling at his father, “I will absolutely make you proud, father.”

Alfor’s eyes were wet when he nodded and kissed his son on the forehead, “I know you will, Lance.”

Allura came running over and pulled her brother into a tight hug, kissing him on the cheek, “We will see you soon, Lance. I promise.”

Lance took a deep breath and nodded, stepping into the pod, “I’ll be sure to bring home a cutie from the new planet, so be ready!” He joked, flashing them one more grin to ease their minds. 

It’s only fair one of them had that luxury.

 

Lance's eyes open in a dark room on an unfamiliar bed, with a stranger sleeping beside him.

His heart sinks. 

That's right, he's not home. He's on  _ earth _ , a place he just landed on maybe nine hours ago, five of which has been spent sleeping. He has no idea of what the outside looks like other than the small bit he saw on the way here and he's only met two of its species. One of whom is probably the most  _ difficult _ creature he's ever met. Besides the Galra.

He doesn't even  _ want _ Lance here. Refused to even share his bed with him. 

A prince. 

From another planet. 

Doesn't even warrant the bed.

Lance shoots a bitter glare to the weird blanket nest Keith had originally made for him to sleep in, as if he was some  _ animal _ . No, wait, that's not true. Keith would  _ happily _ share with an animal.

They had fought for a good hour about it when they reached Keith's home, which he didn't even get a good look at because he was literally  _ rushed _ up the stairs and to the bedroom he's currently in. It’s as if he's some dirty little secret 

It makes him  _ sick _ . 

His sister and father are out there who knows how far out in the galaxy, fighting an intergalactic war to prevent high-scale slavery and genocide, and Lance…

Lance is arguing with a boy about  _ his right to sleep on a bed _ .

A boy who does  _ not _ want Lance around, a feeling that is very much mutual. If he had any possible means to leave he would. 

Why couldn't he have landed on a planet as advanced as his? 

He could have made allies and created his own battalion. Maybe even fallen in love with a gorgeous member of the race as they fought alongside each other, which is something he’s always dreamed of, but no.

Instead he gets a primitive planet with a strange race that is apparently  _ dangerous  _ to both him and his planet. Even though on a whole he knows damn well this race wouldn’t stand a chance against his people, and given their ‘advancements’, they are most likely absolute  _ shit  _ in battle.

Not to mention his only options for romance are...well...the boy next to him, honestly. The only other human he's met is a  _ child _ . 

He'd rather die a virgin than ever touch this boy, though. 

To think he found him attractive! (Well, ok, he's still  _ attractive _ but his personality is shit so it  _ isn't enough _ .)

For god sake just to share a bed in a platonic way he had to threaten Keith with revealing himself to his older brother. Even with that, the human made some weird makeshift pillow wall between them.

As if Lance would ever  _ touch  _ Keith. 

He fucking  _ wishes.  _

“What are you doing awake?” Keith grumbles sleepily from the other side of the barrier and Lance rolls his eyes.

“Well, gee, Keith, I can't imagine what could possibly have me awake on a strange new planet that wants to  _ dissect me _ .”

The human stares at him for a minute, seemingly contemplating something, before he sits up. He turns to look at the nest longingly for a moment before looking down at his own hands, an act he thinks Lance doesn't see, but  _ oh he does _ . “Look, I don't know why you came here, or what you are seeking refuge from, but Pidge and I will protect you. We'll get you back to your family and your planet.” He looks over at Lance and gives him a tired smile that is in  _ no way _ the most adorable thing he's ever seen, “I promise. Pidge is a genius, you will be home in no time.”

Lance frowns, “That is all well and good, but it doesn't change the fact I'm stuck here now with a guy who  _ does not _ want me around. Also, the idea of you being able to  _ protect  _ me is laughable. You’re tiny, Keith.”

Keith at least has the decency to look guilty for a second, before getting pissed, “Excuse me,  _ Lance _ ? I could fucking  _ bench press  _ you.”

“I don’t know what that is,” Lance growls out, “But there is  _ no way  _ that tiny body is strong enough to do anything to me.”

Keith looks to the clock on his bed stand and looks back to Lance, “Is that a challenge?”

“Yeah,  _ human _ , bring it on!” He exclaims, letting out a surprised noise when Keith stands up on the mattress.

“Prepare you eat your words,  _ alien _ .” Keith huffs before bending down and scooping Lance up in his arms.

Bridal style.

“ _ Holy shit _ , “Lance breathes out as Keith stands there, disheveled, sleepy, and proud.

“Told ya.” He says, letting go of Lance so he slams back onto the mattress as Keith walks off of it, “Now, since you woke me up half an hour before I needed to get up, I’m just gonna get my day started I guess.”

“Oh? Do I have to stay in this room?” Lance asks bitterly.

“No, it’s ten so Shiro is already gone.” Keith shrugs as he gathers some clothes from his dresser.

“So...do  _ I  _ get clothes?”

Keith looks him over for a moment before sighing, “You won’t fit in any of mine, but I’m sure Shiro has some old clothes laying around.”

“Oh, boy,  _ human clothes _ .” Lance groans, heading after Keith as they go towards a room down the hall. When they reach the door Keith seems to waver, looking over to Lance with uncertainty written all over his face. “What’s the problem?”

“I just...feel bad bringing someone into my  _ brother’s  _ room.” Keith admits with a heavy sigh before he opens the door, “Ok, so Shiro is a little bit of a hoarder when it comes to clothes, because he believes I will get bigger and fit in his hand me downs…so he has a bunch of shit, but luckily for us it’s all pretty organized.”

“A hoarder?” Lance asks, but goes ignored as Keith disappears into a small closet only to re-emerge with a large bag of clothing.

“Ok, so, we will have you take some of these clothes for now and in a few days, on Saturday, we will go out and buy you some clothes of your own so Shiro doesn’t notice any of his missing.” Keith explains as Lance goes through the bag. It all definitely looks tall enough, but apparently the man is  _ stacked  _ because these shirts are definitely tailored for a bigger chest.

Probably some abs, too.

He does a quick look around the room to see if this guy has any pictures of himself in it, and he doesn’t. There’s a picture in the corner of Keith, Pidge, and a boy who vaguely looks like an older Pidge as well as another picture of a man and woman, who are probably their parents. Nothing with his own face, though.

A huge part of him is curious now as he pulls out a nice looking purple shirt with buttons and a few white and purple shirts in the same design as the ones Keith wears. He then tries on some pants, figures out his size, and grabs a few pairs before getting ushered out by Keith

“Go take a shower and get changed, I’m gonna make sure he can’t tell anyone was in here.”

“Pretty sneaky,  _ Keith _ .” Lance teases with a smirk, earning him a dark look from the boy before he slams the door in the prince’s face, “Wow,  _ rude, Keith! _ ”

“I literally couldn't care less,  _ Lance _ !” Keith yells from the other side and Lance just laughs a little, heading for the bathroom in Keith’s bedroom. Soon after he gets in the shower, Lance hears Keith hollar to him, telling him to meet him downstairs when he’s done.

Their showers are strange. So...basic. Their toiletries are basic as well.

Do humans not have skin care?

Both Keith and Pidge’s skin looks perfect, so maybe as a race they don't  _ need  _ skincare.

Or maybe their lives are so primitive they have nothing that stresses them out and messes with their faces.

Must be nice.

Still, though, it definitely has Lance regretting the fact he never got the chance to bring his own skin care products with him.

After his quick shower Lance gets changed and heads downstairs to where Keith is. Presumably, it’s the kitchen, since Keith seems to be standing next to a  _ very  _ old model of an oven and-

Wait-

Is that a microwave? Man, Lance has only ever seen those in museums.

This world is so  _ weird _ . It’s like Altea, 5,000 years ago.

Technology-wise, at least.

“Good morning, sunshine.” Lance says, grinning at the now tired looking Keith huddled up next to the stove sipping something out of a cup, ‘What are you drinking?”

“Coffee.” Keith grumbles, eyeing him with unadulterated annoyance, “I used up all my morning energy meticulously putting everything back where it was in Shiro’s room, not to mention  _ someone _ woke me up early, so I needed coffee.” He adds, muttering under his breath afterwards, “God damn anal retentive brother.”

“Yeah, you don’t really strike me as a morning person.” Lance laughs a little, opening the fridge and frowning, “What... _ is  _ this stuff?” He asks, in awe of the mostly empty box, save for a few liquids and strange looking blobs on a plate.

“Food, obviously.” Keith rolls his eyes, coming up next to Lance and leaning into the fridge and frowning, “Oh, maybe not food. I order out a lot, because it’s just me so it doesn’t matter if I cook. Right now apparently all we really have are my leftover garlic knots from dinner last night.” He explains, handing the plate of strange blobs to Lance, “When you are hungry, put the plate in the microwave for about 30 seconds. I’ll text Pidge and see if she can bring you more food when she comes over for school.”

“This looks...odd.” The prince mumbles, before turning to Keith, “So you have school here? Sounds fun, I’m excited to see it.”

“You…” Keith frowns, “You  _ can't  _ see it, remember? Hidden? Besides, it’s college, you have to be enrolled to come to classes and  _ trust me  _ when I say that even disguised as a human you will stick out like a sore thumb.”

Lance gasps, “Are you calling me  _ ugly _ !?”

“I’m calling you the  _ opposite  _ of ugly, Lance.” Keith points out, setting the plate down and taking another sip of his coffee, “Look, When Pidge gets done with her classes you two can go out and work on your pod, we will both be home at 4, so it’s just a little under six hours. You can find things to do, Shiro won’t be home until we are already in bed again, so the house is yours.”

Lance gapes at Keith, “You expect me to sit here alone for  _ six hours _ ? What am I supposed to do? Count the tiles in your ceiling?”

“We have TV, you know. Video games, too.”

“Wow, you have TV? That’s pretty impressive for such a-”

“If you say primitive one more time, Lance, I swear to god.  _ I swear to fucking God, Lance. _ ” Keith hisses and Lance quickly shuts his mouth. 

“But, um...what's a video game?” Lance asks after a second and Keith's eyes go wide.

“What's a-? Do you not have-?  _ Jesus _ ,” Keith grabs his forearm and drags him through a hallway to what looks to be the living room. “I don't have a lot of time,” He begins, sitting Lance on the thick black couch in the middle of the room, “But some things are just too important.”

Lance watches with a curious arch of his  brow as Keith sits in front if the TV and looks at different cases. “What are you doing?” He asks, trying to get a look at the cases in Keith's hand from his spot on the couch. 

“I'm showing you video games before I leave, I just have to find the right...ahah!” Keith holds up a case and places a disk into a strange looking console before bringing odd looking remotes over to the couch, “This is Killbot Phantasm I, it's really old but it's good. I'll show you real quick how to play and then I have to get ready.”

Lance looks over to the human boy beside him who is  _ clearly _ excited, and just shrugs. “Alright.”

Keith goes over the moves you need to do, and watching him, Lance doesn't get the appeal to be honest.

Not until he plays it himself, that is. 

After Keith heads off to shower, Lance starts to  _ really _ play and he's honestly in love.  It is almost like monsters and mana at home but without all the books and everything and  _ way more action _ .

Maybe Keith isn't  _ all bad _ .

“Alright, I'm heading out. Guess pidge doesn't have any leftovers she can spare so you will have to do with garlic knots until I get done school and grab us some stuff.” Keith calls and Lance waves him off, eyes glued to the screen.

“Cool, cool, run along to school and abandon me for the next 6 hours.” Lance says and Keith makes an indignant noise before heading out.

“Don't burn my house down, Lance!”

“Don't pick up anymore aliens!” 

“I'm not collecting-!” Keith begins before the kitchen door leading outside slams open.

“Let's  _ move _ , Keith!” Pidge's voice demands from the kitchen before hollering down the hall to him, “Have a nice day, Lance!”

“You, too, Pidge!  _ Specifically _ Pidge!” Lance calls back sweetly, enjoying the annoyed noises from Keith as he's pulled outside. As soon as he hears the vehicle pull out,  Lance pauses his game and begins to investigate. He's pretty sure he saw some photos in the hallway between the kitchen and living room, and he's fairly certain there were books labelled as photo albums on the living room bookshelf. 

Don't get him wrong, he doesn't give a  _ shit  _ about what Keith looked like when he was  younger or anything, he just wants to see Shiro, and maybe some pictures of Pidge. Besides, their photos aren't holographic so he's pretty interested to see how these primitive pictures feel.

Apparently he can't  _ say _ primitive anymore,  but damnit he can  _ think  _ it.

He starts in the hallway, and sure enough there are photos in large collages and stumbles upon a picture that looks very recent of Keith and who he’s assuming is his brother.

His apparently Adonis of a man, brother.  _ How _ are they siblings? Shiro is square jawed, tall, and all abs and muscles where Keith is all pointy, short, and scrawny.

Well, apparently not  _ too  _ scrawny since he picked Lance up earlier but, you know, that's neither here nor there.

Moving on to the rest of the collage he spots a picture of who must be little Keith judging by the hair, and his older brother. The picture appears to be of a five year Old Keith smiling wide at the camera as he clings to his older brother's arm, he has a tooth missing, even though he seems to have all of them now, and his eyes have a shine to them that is very much not present currently. 

Or maybe it's just not there around Lance, which is kind of a sad thought. 

A sad thought that is quickly squashed when Lance notices a picture of Keith at about fifteen. His eyes are blank, the light completely vanished, and his body is stiff as a twelve year old Pidge pulls him into a picture with her.

He starts to investigate the albums and sees there's photos of his parents, who upon looking at them quickly explain the  _ drastic _ difference in build between the brothers. Lance wonders why he has yet to meet them, until he notices they seem to disappear around the time Keith is fifteen. Pictures of Shiro around that time also look more tired and sad.

Lance frowns to himself as he realizes that Keith is in fact an orphan.

At least now he knows it isn't him who is making Keith miserable, although, if he's being honest, he would rather it be his fault than Keith having lost his parents.

No one deserves that pain.

Lance still remembers when his mother passed away, he was probably around 12 and she had been sick for a few Deca-Phoebs. No one knew the cause, no one could have guessed. 

After all, how were his parents to know their  _ best friends _ were draining her of her quintessence. 

To think Honerva had become so engrossed in the energy that she would use her alchemy to rob her best friend of her life.

She was so kind when she was still on Altea, before she met that...that... _ galran _ . Zarkon was his father's best friend, so it only made sense they would meet, but no one expected them to hit it off. Zarkon is the emperor of the Galra, who are a race that  _ loathe _ mixed breeding, so when he fell in love with Honerva the whole universe was shocked.

Or so Lance was told, since he wasn't even alive at this point. Allura didn't even come until a few years after Zarkon and Honerva’s wedding. 

Still, they say she was kind and happy before going to Daibazaal, yet the woman Lance remembers was anything but. She was cold and awkward and  _ clearly  _ didn't want to be there. Even towards her own son Lotor, whom she had a few years between Allura and Lance, she was indifferent. There were no hugs and kisses between them, and even Zarkon grew indifferent to him as the years went on.

Allura and his father say the quintessence made them go mad, that in trying to harness and understand it better they lost themselves to it, but Lance still hates the Galra as a whole.

They take lives, planets, power...they took his mother and forced him to leave his only family behind to come to this disappointing planet where the only thing going for them is video games. 

Once his pod is fixed he is going to find a way to set up navigation and find himself an advanced planet. Maybe Olkarion. One of the paladins are from there, so he knows it's a good and trustworthy planet.

He nods to himself, deciding to forgo looking at anymore pictures of Keith and his family so he can return to his video game. He's got six hours to kill, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Video games are how we will achieve universal peace.


	3. Humans are bad at emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang discovers some painful shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for how long this took and it's kinda shitty but this chapter i only had one idea i wanted to get across and no idea how i was gonna go about it. Anyways, sometimes it will take me a while to update bc if work or life or other shit but just know I will update eventually. This story won't be dropped or anything, I just have a hectic life is all lol

 

Pidge eyes Keith wearily as their professor drones on, “You...lifted him up _bridal style_ ? In your _bed?_ ”

Keith crosses his arms and huffs, “Yes, Pidge, he called me weak. What was I supposed to do?”

Pidge raises a brow, “ _Not_ lift him up bridal style...in your _bed_?”

Keith's scowl deepens, because she _might_ have a point, but he'll be damned if he admits it. “I proved my point.”

Pidge nods sagely before placing a hand on his shoulders and looking him dead in the eyes, “I know I joked about it last night, Keith, but you _seriously_ cannot fuck the alien.”

“I'M NOT-!” Keith quickly remembers they are in a class and glares at Pidge as he mutters under his breath, “ _Trying_ to fuck an alien.”

“The way you said that sounds like you accidentally succeeded.” She teases before leaning in conspiratorially as she whispers, “Gotta say, I'm a little impressed. I figured when you finally found a dude you wanted it'd take at least a year for you to get in their pants. Look at you go.”

Keith can feel his left eye twitch and contemplates strangling Pidge in front of all these witnesses, because honestly none of them would probably notice, about 90% are asleep, “I'm _not_ -wait...why the hell do you think I would take a _year_ to have sex with someone?”

“Look, Keith, everyone has things their good at. My list includes _everything_ and yours definitely does _not include_ flirting.” Pidge smirks.

“If you don't _shut up_ -”

“If _both of you_ don't shut up you can find the fucking door, Kogane, Holt.” Professor Iverson calls out and they both fall silent, sending each other weary looks.

They really need to quit getting in trouble in this class.

  


When they arrive home a few hours later, Keith’s immediately greeted by an overly excited alien, running over and firmly cupping his face for some reason.

Keith makes sure to _pointedly_ ignore the shit eating grin on Pidge's face.

“Keith!” Lance exclaims, “I was so wrong about you!”

Keith raises a brow but can't say much as Lance's hands on his cheeks squeeze his lips until they are puckered out. “Fwh?”

“Thanks you I have found earth things I love!”

“Oh?” Pidge smirks, looking to a now horrified Keith as he struggles out of Lance's grasp. “I _knew it_ .” She teases and Keith _wants_ to say something but _god damn_ Alteans have a strong grip.

“Yes, video games are _beautiful_ . Garlic knots are the most delicious things I've ever had,” The alien sighs happily as Keith finally breaks free from his grasp, rubbing his now sore cheeks, “Y telenovelas son _fantastico_.”

“Is that so...?” Keith asks, before turning to Pidge, “Who taught him Spanish?”

“I'm part of an advanced diplomatic race, Keith, _remember_? We went over this already.” Lance huffs, “It took one episode and I had the language down perfectly.”

“Hmm,” Pidge looks to Lance, clearly impressed, “And here Keith called you underwhelming.”

“Which I’m clearly not!” Lance huffs, “Thank you, Pidge.”

“Oh, great, just what I need. My best friend ganging up on me with a fucking _alien_ .” Keith grumbles, “ _Fantastic_.”

“Take it _bitch_.” Pidge smirks and Lance grins.

“Yeah, _take it_.”

“Dear god,” Keith groans, burying his face in his hands, “What even is my life right now?”

“A mess,” Lance offers, “Like your hair.” He says, running a hand through it and sending a cold chill down Keith's spine because _no_ , “I learned what this style was, today. Watched something that talked about mullets and how they have been uncool for almost 40 years.”

Keith lifts his head to glare at the alien, “First of all _why_ did you need to touch my hair for that? Second, it is _not_ a mullet.”

“It's softer than I expected,” Lance muses, completely ignoring Keith, “So, Pidge, are we going to the site now?”

Pidge grins, “Absolutely!” She turns to Keith and gestures towards the door, “So long as thats okay, responsible adult.”

Keith narrows his eyes, “I know you meant that as sarcastic but I _am_ the responsible adult here.”

“That’s literally terrifying.” Pidge says and Lance nods, both going ahead of him to the jeep.

“Tell me about it…” Keith grumbles, following them. He drives them out, Lance revelling in the ‘beauty’ of earth next to him.

“Is that the ocean!?” Lance gasps, catching a glimpse of the ocean as they drive through town to get to the landing site, “It's so beautiful, it might just be the most beautiful thing your planet has, aside from me of course!” He boast before eyeing Keith warily, “I don’t suppose we can ever go there?”

Keith wants to say no, but the look on Lance’s face when he saw the ocean was so (though he’s loathe to think it) _beautiful_ , he can’t bring himself to. The alien is suffering enough, after all, “Well, I mean...not until this weekend but we can go at night. It’s still opened then, just no one goes.”

Lance gives him a disappointed smile and Keith’s heart sinks, “Alright.”

Keith scowls at the road ahead of him, he _tried_ not to be a dick and still failed. “...Anyways...Pidge and I got a bunch of shit from the mechanics department...hopefully some of it will work on your pod.”

Lance looks back at Pidge curiously, “You told people about me?”

The girl and Keith pointedly avoid eye contact, “We didn't so much _tell_ people about you as we.. _borrowed without permission_.” She admits.

Lance narrows his eyes and gives them both disapproving looks, “That sounds an awful lot like stealing.” His stare settles on Keith as he pulls up close to the landing spot, “Aren't you the responsible adult?”

“Comparatively, but, to be fair...that bar is set pretty low.”

“I exploded the science room last year.” Pidge grins and Keith sighs.

“Very...very low bar.”

Lance buries his face in his hands, “I can't believe I'm stuck with two crazy people for help!”

“Not crazy, just reckless.” Keith points out as they exit the jeep, grabbing everything they _didn't steal_ and putting it in his and Pidge's backpacks. “Besides, Pidge is a verified genius so you're actually very lucky.”

“Oh yeah? Well I'll keep that in mind as you _break the law.”_ Lance groans and Pidge rolls her eyes.

“Who knew an alien could be such a buzzkill?”

Lance makes a few indignant sounds before following them to the entrance, “Excuse me for not wanting to associate with a bunch of delinquents.”

“Oh, no, Keith isn't a delinquent anymore. He's been reformed through brotherly guilt.” Pidge teases and Keith nods.

“It's a powerful tool.”

Lance gawks as the two climb down before him, “You were a delinquent!? Like Rodriguez in La Vida Loca?”

Keith just looks up at him blankly, “No, Lance. I wasn't out chain smoking or joining gangs or having crazy group sex-”

“Or any sex.” Pidge adds quickly before Keith continues, now giving her a dirty look, “I just got into a lot of fights, didn't care about class and...kinda…”

“Told a teacher to go fuck herself.” Pidge _oh so helpfully_ adds. “Three to five times

“Yeah, yes, that.”

Once they land on the ground Lance heads down, soon standing beside Keith, “Well thank goodness for brotherly guilt.” He turns to Pidge and smiles as she unpacks some things, “I bet you were never a delinquent.”

Pidge just shrugs and heads over to the pod, “I've been known to throw hands a time or two.”

Lance raises a brow, “What does that mean?” He asks and her eyes light up.

“Oh my god, oh my go-!”

“You aren't teaching him memes, Pidge!”

“Aw, come on, you already showed him video games, let me have some fun, too!” Pidge huffs and Lance looks on in confusion.

“What is a meme?”

“Later, Lance,” Pidge grins, her eyes bright with excitement, “ _Later_.”

The three of them quickly get to work on the strange pod, although Keith and Pidge don't quite know exactly what they are doing but Pidge catches on quickly enough and soon she's working circles around the boys.

“She truly is a genius, isn't she?” Lance asks, clearly impressed, and Keith nods.

“Yup, she's a _certified_ genius. Literally.”

“We had a genius on Altea,” The prince frowns, “Her name was Honerva...she was not as nice as Pidge is.”

Keith can’t help the laugh he lets out, but upon seeing the look on Lance’s face, he immediately puts the brakes to it, “What….did she do?”

Lance gives him a sad smile, “She married my father’s friend and started a war against us and the entire universe.”

Keith’s eyes go wide and his heart drops into his stomach, “Oh.”

There’s an intergalactic war going on? Some genius woman is running a war through the galaxy? What if they get here?

This alien might be leading _death and destruction_ to their planet.

They have to get him out of here _now._

“AHA!” Pidge exclaims, catching their attention.

“Did you fix it!?” Lance gasps, jumping up and running over to her, quickly followed by Keith.

“Not all of it, but your screen and interface with it is fixed.” She grins at him, “You can send your sister a message.”

Lance’s face lights up and he pulls her into a tight hug, “Thank you so much Pidge! You are the _best_!” He types something out on a holographic keyboard, “The message has been sent to Allura, now to send one to Altea and see how things are there…” His hands move so fast Keith thinks they almost look like a blur before he’s sending out his next message, a response quickly coming back in what looks like a different language from the Altean. “Huh? That's odd...”

“What’s it say?” Pidge asks and Lance’s shoulders slump, his face now pale and eyes blank before he collapses entirely onto the floor.

“...No…” Lance whispers.

“...Lance... ?“ Keith calls, Pidge and him kneeling down beside the alien who buries his face in his hands and screams. It’s a gutteral, shrill sound that knocks them both on their asses as Lance just sits there and yells, cursing in English and Spanish before his words slip to what Keith assumes is Altean.

Pidge gives Keith an awkward look before nudging him to go over to Lance. “Go comfort him.”

“What the hell, _you_ go. He hates me.”

“I honestly want to but I feel like if he touches me right now it might break bones, so you go.” Pidge admits, and Keith cannot really argue with that, so he gets up and plops down next to Lance, placing an awkward hand on his back.

Lance goes completely still for a moment before throwing himself into Keith’s arms, sobbing into his chest as his nails dig into his back. “ _It's gone.”_ He whispers, “Altea has  been destroyed...” his voice is barely audible, as though confirming it out loud is the hardest thing he's ever had to do.

Which, to be fair, it probably is.

“Oh…!” Pidge gasps, her hands coming to cover her mouth, “ _Oh my god_.”

“Lance…” Keith mumbles, wrapping his arms around Lance’s shoulders as he quietly cries against him.

Pidge stares on helplessly for a few moments before quietly getting up and going to the computer, messing with something until what’s on the screen turns to English.

 

Dear Traveler: We regret to inform you that this planet has been destroyed. The race itself is not completely depleted, however, many are living safely on other planets since the war was won. If you would like more information, please contact the Arusians.

 

Keith would be lying if he said he wasn’t personally extremely relieved right now. They were defeated, the universe is safe. Earth won’t be destroyed.

...Not like Altea.

Not like Lance's beloved planet and home.

“I’m so sorry, Lance.” Keith mumbles, wrapping his arms around Lance a little tighter. “I’m so sorry.” He whispers before the three of them fall silent.

A noise breaks through the silent, coming from the screen, and Pidge speaks up. “You have a message from your sister’s ship.” She says and he looks at her with a blank expression, clearly preparing for the worst, “It’s good, don’t worry. It says ‘The Princess Allura, her husband, and their royal advisor Coran are currently en route to Prince Lance’s coordinates’.”

Lance takes a deep breath before he lets out the loudest sigh of relief Keith has ever heard, his body going limp in the human’s arms, “She’s okay. _She’s okay and she’s coming._ ”

Pidge smiles, “That’s right!

“Thank the lions, she’s okay.” He breathes, his face now in Keith’s neck and arms around his shoulders.

The contact is quickly becoming uncomfortable.

“Should we make your pod travel ready, still?” Pidge asks and Lance sighs.

“No, we don’t need to. I will wait for her arrival and we will simply use this pod to try and contact her directly.” He mumbles, keeping his grip tight on Keith.

“Cool, cool…” Pidge looks to Lance curiously, “So then...are you hungry?”

“No.” Lance answers before standing up, “But, sitting here crying will achieve nothing, and I heard your stomach growl a few minutes ago, so let's go eat.”

Pidge give him a sheepish smile, “Sorry about that, but thank you.”

Lance nods and smiles back, “It will be alright. I will be alright.”

Keith doesn't know what to say as he watches the Prince in awe. His body is still warm, pulse still thrumming against his skin where Lance had been pressed against him and crying only a few minutes ago. To be so devastated, so _vulnerable_ with strangers, Keith could never do that. He could never go from world shattering (literally) news to offering up a meal. Then again he isn't a Prince who was no doubt raised to put diplomacy before emotions.

A part if him (all of him) wishes he was better with emotions than this. Wishes he could just _do_ something for this guy besides awkwardly cling to him as he cries.

Keith watches as Pidge makes a joke to ease the tension, sees how Lance _forces_ himself to laugh, and it honestly hurts.

Lance is alone, and suffering, on a strange planet where he cannot even roam free.

All he gets are two emotionally stunted humans with bad humor and _absolutely no_ warmth and comfort to offer.

If only there was a way to keep him safe _and_ free here.

Hopefully his sister comes soon.


	4. Humans are garbage except maybe one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am part of these garbage humans hahah..ha..sorry. I found some kittens in the woods and fostered then for a month until they could be rehomed, and it was a lot of work so i was super busy. Now I'm doing it again but these guys are 10 weeks instead of 3 so it's a piece of cake comparatively. Anyways hope you all had a nice Halloween and thanksgiving and thank you for sticking around with my inconsistent ass

Lance wakes up and looks to the human sleeping next go him. In a couple of hours the only two living beings he is allowed to spend time with will be gone for half the day, and after last night's revelation, he's not sure just how okay he is with that idea. 

He's not sure how okay he is with any of this. 

His life has become that of a caged pet, a secret one at that. Rarely allowed outside of the house, and hidden in a room when Shiro arrives home. It's humiliating. 

For fucks sake he's a Prince! 

He fought in-!

No, wait. He didn't fight in any wars. There was a time when the blue lion of his father's creation Voltron took a shine to him, and even would let the young boy pilot it around the planet, but when a battle truly occurred, she chose his sister instead.

Once so full of hopes and dreams about flying in voltron and saving the universe, he's now reduced to being trapped in a cage so he won't be killed.

He wanted to be a part of the force who saved his planet and others! 

Instead, no one saved his planet.

His heart sinks again and his throat begins to hurt as he thinks of Altea. It was so beautiful, the people were intelligent and brave and yet kind and gentle, the animals were about 1000 times more advanced than any creatures on this planet, and the oceans...the oceans on Altea make -no, made- earth’s oceans look like murky puddles.

It is all gone now. He will never be able to go to his favorite beach, or lie in  _ his _ bed or even pet an Altean cat ever again.

“Don't cry,” A voice mutters next to him and lance tenses up, opening his own eyes again to see a confused but concerned Keith. 

In spite of himself, Lance feels his tears begin to pour down faster, a glare now on his face,” _ Of course _ , why didn't I think of that?”

“Sorry,” Keith sighs, sitting up and looking down at Lance, “I don't really know how to comfort and that's just the first thing that popped out.” He looks at Lance hesitantly, as if trying to force himself to do something, before his arms slowly raise, “Do you...want...a hug…?”

“Please stop, you’re so awkward it physically hurts.” Lance groans, burying his face in his hands. 

“Shut up,” Keith huffs before looking over to his alarm clock, “Today is a short day at school for me...if you wanna...do something?” He asks, painfully unsure about the whole thing.

“Ohh? Are you going to let me outside in the sun?” Lance mocks, “Maybe even let me see... _ people _ ?”

Keith winces, and Lance knows the human feels bad about the whole arrangement, he does, but that doesn’t change the fact he’s bitter about it. 

Honestly, at this point, Lance is bitter towards this whole planet.

Why do they get to live? Why does this  _ clearly _ inferior planet get to go on living, blissfully unaware there even  _ was  _ a deadly war?

His beautiful, far superior, planet was destroyed so that this rock full of neanderthals can keep going. The kind and intelligent race of Alteans has nearly been wiped out trying to save others like these  _ humans _ who are quick to anger and untrustworthy.

He  _ hates  _ humans.

Even the one sitting next to him right now.

Fuck all of them.

“We can go to the ocean,” Keith offers, visibly uncomfortable from the glare Lance now realizes he’s shooting in his direction, “In the day time. Just…” He frowns, “Wait.”

Lance scoffs, “‘ _ Wait’ _ , huh? Seems like that’s all my life has been since the war started. Just a lot of  _ waiting _ .” He glares at Keith again, doesn’t even feel bad at the guilt that comes to the human’s eyes, before rolling over to stare at the wall. “I’ll just wait right here, don’t you worry.”

“Lance…” Keith begins, but decided better of it, and just sighs heavily, resigning himself to leaving the bed early. 

Lance falls asleep after Keith heads to take a shower, and by the time he wakes up Keith is gone. He hears Shiro go to his bed and sits there, wondering what he should do until the humans return.

Which is bullshit. 

_ This is bullshit! _

He has rights, too! If he wants to leave now he will! For fucks sake his entire home planet was destroyed so this one would flourish, he  _ deserves _ to explore it and see just what is so important (if anything) about this fucking place.

Strengthening his resolve, Lance gets up from the bed and finds himself some clothes to wear in town before shifting to look completely human. He looks around the room before spotting a small box in Keith’s dresser, where he has seen the boy put money before. Figuring he won’t need more than $20 to explore, he grabs the bill and heads out, quietly leaving so Shiro doesn’t hear anything.

Exiting the house and feeling the sun’s rays on his face he feels...a  _ little  _ better. 

Being locked up in a house is no way to live. Especially for someone like him who loves nature so much.

Taking a deep breath, enjoying the fresh, warm air of the day time, he heads out, looking around for something to do. So far all he sees are homes. He sees a woman working in a garden, tenderly caring for the nature around her. Surely if someone like that exists, humans can’t be all bad. Deciding to be friendly, he waves to the woman.  

Who promptly flips him off.

_ Well. _

_ Fuck him, apparently. _

“God damn humans…” Lance mutters under his breath before noticing a small fluffy creature climbing down from a tree. He’s fairly certain they are called squirrels. There was a video of one sitting on a human’s shoulder online.

Excited at the idea of meeting a friendly creature for one on this planet, Lance goes up to the squirrel, kneeling down to pet it. The ball of fluff doesn’t move away, and looks his hand over as if expecting something (perhaps he should have brought food?). Once his finger lightly grazes it’s soft fur, the animal squeaks and bites him, drawing blood. Lance jumps back, cradling his finger and fighting back tears of frustration.

_ Okay. _

_ That’s it.  _

_ Fuck this planet. _

Decides he’s done exploring this garbage rock, he turns to go back to Keith’s house, before coming to a quick stop.

He doesn’t want to be locked in the room again, but...he doesn’t want to be alone out here either.

Lance knows better, but he still decides to go with his only logical option left; go find Keith.

On the way to his landing site the other day, Pidge pointed out their university, and since Alteans are excellent with direction and memory, it takes him no time to find the place.

It does, however, prove to be slightly more difficult to find Keith or Pidge.

He wanders the university, looking in rooms only to get dirty looks back at him, before finally sitting in a gazebo to take a second and contemplate his life and choices that have led him to be lost in a  _ human  _ university.

“Um...are you okay?” A voice asks, pulling Lance from his self-pitying. He looks over to see a bigger man than him or Keith, with kind and confused eyes staring him down. “Are you lost?”

“I was looking for something.” Lance admits before sighing heavily, “But it’s proving quite difficult.”

“Oh!” The boy grins at him, “Luckily for you I am an expert at these grounds. What are you looking for?”

“A man.”

He laughs a little at Lance’s admittedly vague answer, “Any man in particular?”

“Keith.”

“Hmmm….believe it or not, we have a few Keiths here.”

Lance groans, looking to the boy, annoyed, “ _ My  _ Keith.”

“Can you describe  _ your _ Keith?”

The Altean thinks for a moment. How do you describe  _ Keith _ ? “Sure, he’s got a stupid looking mullet, is about this tall,” He gestures with his hand to show Keith’s approximate height, “Permanent scowl, fashion sense is some weird bastard child of the 80s and emo. Only friend is a tiny girl genius.Absolutely insufferable excuse for a living creature, yet you  _ can’t quite  _ hate him for it.  _ I guess _ .”

“Ohhh! I know that Keith!” The boy says excitedly, “Keith Kogane! Yeah, we have class together soon!” His smile grows even wider, which Lance didn’t know was possible, “Who knew he had a boyfriend?”

“A  _ what _ ?” Lance’s face contorts into one of disgust, but the boy doesn’t see it, he’s already grabbing the Altean’s hand and leading him in some direction.

“My name is Hunk, by the way. Hunk Garrett. I’m so happy to hear Keith has more friends than just Pidge. I’ve tried talking to him myself but he always kind of clams up and runs off.” Hunk looks back to Lance, who is still reeling in his horror at being mistaken for Keith’s  _ boyfriend _ . “I’m glad he has someone else he’s comfortable with.” He says, softer this time, and Lance can’t stop the smile that tugs at his lips.

“Yeah.” Lance mutters, not having the heart to say anything that could upset who he considers to be the literal  _ best _ human so far. Probably at all. “My name is Lance, by the way.”

“Lance, huh? You and Keith are made for each other, having such outdated names.” Hunk teases, but the soft smile on his face keeps Lance from feeling anything but amused.

“Big words from a guy named  _ Hunk _ .”

The human laughs, “What can I say? My parents had big dreams for my looks.”

“I see those dreams were fulfilled.” 

Hunk laughs louder, “Cut it out, man, you’re gonna make me blush!”

Lance laughs a little at that before coming to a complete stop, pulling Hunk to a halt as well. There, on the floor below them, is Keith. He’s all alone, hunched in on himself with some large textbooks in hand and he looks...small.

So small.

Smaller than Pidge. 

Without a second thought, Lance lets go of Hunk’s hand and leaps over the railing to the floor 4 feet below them, ignoring Hunk’s fearful yell. 

He can’t help the cocky grin that comes to his face as Keith looks over to witness him coming down, landing right in front of him.

“ _ Lance! What the fuck!? _ ” Keith hisses, leaning in closer to him to whisper, “Humans can’t jump 4 fucking feet, you idiot!”

“Soooo sorry,” Lance says with a large grin still on his face, “I just couldn’t help it when I saw how pathetic you looked down here all alone.”

_ “What-!?” _

“Aww, Keith, you have such a sweet, if slightly crazy, boyfriend!” Hunk exclaims, now beside him again.

“Boy-!?” Keith narrows his eyes at Lance, “ _ Boyfriend _ ?”

Still high on scaring the shit out of the humans, Lance wraps an arm around Keith’s shoulders and pulls him closer, “Don’t be shy,  _ babe _ , I already told Hunk.”

“ _ Oh my god… _ ” Keith mutters under his breath, horror evident on his face, “ _ No _ .”

“Don’t worry, Keith, I get that you're a private person. I won’t tell anyone.” Hunk says with a smile and Lance lets go of Keith, pulling the  _ far superior human _ into a hug.

“Thank you so much, friend!”

“ _ Dear god _ ,” Keith breathes out, “ _ Just kill me now. _ ”

“Nonsense, babe, why don’t you cut your last class, grab Pidge, and the four of us go to the beach?” Lance offers and Hunk looks excited for a moment, before turning to Keith wearily.

“If you don’t want me to go, I don’t-”

“No,” Keith looks at Hunk almost in desperation, “ _ Please _ don’t leave me alone with those two weirdos.”

“Ouch, babe, I’m right here.”

“ _ Stop calling me that. _ ” Keith practically hisses, giving Lance the darkest glare he’s seen on the boy yet.

“Fine, fine,” Lance raises his hands in surrender, “Let’s go find Pidge.”

Keith relaxes a little, “Alri-”

“Schnookums.” Lance adds, practically seeing the soul leave Keith’s body as Hunk laughs next to him.

“Maybe I’ll drown myself in the ocean…” Keith mutters, his eyes blank as Lance leads him to follow Hunk to where Pidge is.

“Don’t be so morbid, puddin’.” 

“ _ Dear god _ ,” The boy in his arms whines, burying his face in his hands, “Please just strike me down now.”

“Come now, if he did that, we couldn’t have any fun later,  _ sugar lips _ .” Lance mocks and Keith goes bright red, letting out a small squeak that might be cute if it was from anyone else. He then proceeds to bite his lower lip and make this strange ‘ffff’ sound for an admittedly impressive amount of time.

“I think you broke him.” Hunk points out and Lance laughs.

 

Ohhh yes, this just got a whole lot better.

  
  
  
  



	5. Underwear is a private object, don’t swim in it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's life is suffering

 

Keith can feel his soul leaving his body as Lance leads him down the hall, an alarmingly well-toned (and annoyingly familiar) arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders, like he might leave.

He definitely _wants_ to leave.

Somehow Lance and Hunk decided it would be fun to go to the beach. They also agreed Pidge had to come, which, she does. He’ll be damned if he has to suffer this awkwardness alone.

Not to mention, if he’s being entirely honest, Pidge and him have actually wanted to invite Hunk out to do something for a while now. He also _did_ promise Lance a visit to the ocean.

Still, this is absolutely _not_ how he wanted it.

Never in all his life did he envision him _finally_ hanging out with new people to involve a fucking alien. And not even the cool kind.

Nope, instead he gets an alien who _snuck out of his house_ . Although it’s admittedly going pretty well, but Keith is _so terrified_ something is going to happen that literally no part of him can relax or even breathe easily.

Which is definitely not helped by the almost _vice-like_ grip on him.

He can’t help but curse under his breath at his terrible luck. In Korean, of course. Lance doesn’t know Korean yet.

As soon as the words leave, though, Lance comes to a complete stop and stares down at him curiously.

“What language is that?”

“Doesn’t matter, aren’t we looking for Pidge?” Keith counters and Lance smirks, a look that is gonna send Keith to an early grave apparently because it’s _never_ followed by anything good.

“Of course it matters, _mi amor_ , I want to know everything about you.” The _fucking_ **_lying_ ** _alien_ says in a way that’s so alarmingly earnest.

Hunk coos from the sideline.

Keith _prays_ Lance won’t be weird like this in front of Pidge.

Or ever again, in a perfect world.

He doesn’t think he can take another disgusting pet name from the pompous alien.

“Of course we’ll find Pidge,” Lance says, his voice disturbingly smooth and _flirtatious_ it sends a cold chill down Keith’s spine, “But can I not know the beautiful words that leave these lips?” He asks, tracing a thumb over Keith’s lips and leaving him utterly stunned.

There’s at least 30 seconds where he doesn’t breathe.

“ _What. The._ **_Fuck_ ** !?” Pidge practically hisses from somewhere to the left and Keith finally breathes, “Lance, _why are you here_ ? What was...was…. _that_?” She asks, gesturing to the entirety of Keith, “And who dragged poor Hunk into it?”

In lieu of any sort of explanation, or even just trying to get out of Lance’s arms, Keith simply looks at her with a blank expression, “Wanna go to the beach?”

“I-” Pidge begins, inevitably dropping it and just raising a brow in question, “Yes…?”

“Sorry we’re making you skip class.” Hunk adds in and she laughs.

“Oh please, Hunk, I skip all the time. This is nothing”

Keith raises a brow, “Do you now…?”

“ _Yes_ , Keith. Just like you always cuddle with Lance in hallways and _let him trace your lips_.” Pidge counters and Keith awkwardly clears his throat.

“R-right. Yeah. Of course. A regular rebel right here.” He looks to Hunk, “Anyways, you wanna ride with us, or-?”

“The beach isn’t too close so I’ll just meet you there.” Hunk says, sharing his number with Pidge and Keith, who awkwardly dodge his questions about Lance not having one.

“Alright, Hunk, we’ll see you there!” Pidge grins and Hunk nods, heading to the lot he parked his car in.

“Wait!” Lance calls, _finally_ letting go of Keith and going over to Hunk, “Mind if I ride there with you?”

“Not at all!” Hunk smiles and Lance turns back to Keith, blowing him a kiss.

“Try not to miss me too much~!”

Keith can feel his left eye twitch, “Just _go_.” He grumbles, watching them disappear before heading for the lot they were parked in.

“So, um, mind telling me _what the fuck_ that was?” Pidge asks as they climb up a hill, eying Keith, “I am gonna start sounding like a broken record, Keith, but _don’t fuck the-_!”

“I’m NOT! Stop always jumping to that conclusion!”

“Then what was with the arm around your shoulder and the _thumb on your lips_ and all the other **_blatant flirting_ **?”

Keith groans and buries his face in his hand, explaining to Pidge what had happened before they got her.

“He...he jumped down _four feet_ because you were looking pathetic?” Pidge asks, clearly trying to hold in her laughter as they head for the jeep, “Aa-haw-hawww. How sweeeeet.”

“No, Pidge, not ‘aww’! HE CALLED ME-” Keith stops himself, rightfully deciding not to let Pidge know any more of the stupid nicknames. “N-nevermind. Unimportant.”

Pidge raises a brow, curious, but decides not to pry, “

“It’s cool your alien boyfriend hooked us up with a hangout with Hunk, though.” Pidge smirks and Keith looks around in horror, making sure no one was around to hear Pidge’s big mouth say alien, _or boyfriend_ , “We never would have been able to do that ourselves with our awkward asses.”

“Fair enough,” Keith sighs, getting in the jeep and heading out, “But why did he have to go with us being _boyfriends_ ? What the hell did he say to Hunk to make him jump to _that_?”

“Maybe he sings your praises when you’re not around?” Pidge offers and Keith scoffs.

“Not a fucking chance.”

“Yeah, fair enough.”

They pull up to the dressing rooms, on a hill far above the beach itself, getting into the back of the jeep where they keep beach supplies at all times for any last minute trips. As soon as they gather their stuff, Keith receives text from Hunk.

“Whhaaaaaaat? He texts _you_ and not _me?”_ Pidge crosses her arms, “That’s some bullshit.”

“Shut up.” Keith rolls his eyes, looking at the phone, “It’s just a message saying Lance is demanding I get to the changing rooms immediately.”

“Getting a little exercise with your _boyfriend_ before swimming?” Pidge teases, “It _is_ good to stretch first.”

Keith can practically see his life crumble in the smirk on her face. “What’s _wrong_ with you? Hunk is gonna be there, too, idiot!” He pales a little at the implication Pidge is absolutely picking up  judging from the cheshire levels of grinning going on now. “A-and even if he _wasn't_ , we aren't actually together! I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole. God damn alien, so full of himself when he doesn’t even have the common decency to actually _look_ like an alien….”

Pidge raises a brow, “Okay...yeah, well, go meet them. I’ll wait for you here and we can head down the hill to the beach together.”

Keith rolls his eyes, still grumbling about Lance under his breath, “Yeah, yeah.”

Pidge shrugs, “And remember, Keith, even though you will both be naked in there, don’t fuck the alien~!”

Keith cringes, looking back to glare at her, “I think instead of a swear jar, I’m gonna make a ‘fuck the alien’ jar and _any time_ you hint at me doing that, you will have to pay me a dollar.”

“I’m not gonna fucking pay that.” Pidge scoffs.

“I know all your hiding spots.” Keith counters.

Pidge thinks for a second, knowing damn well he’s right, “Make it a quarter and you’re on.”

“Fine.” Keith concedes before heading off. “You owe me 75 cents today! “ He calls over his shoulder on his way.

“No way! We start now, not earlier!” Pidge argues and he just laughs to himself a little.

When he arrives in the small concrete building, he’s surprised to see both Lance and Hunk standing there, still very much clothed, “What’s...um...what’s going on?”

“Lance apparently thinks swim trunks are underwear and refuses to wear them.” Hunk explains, clearly defeated by the alien standing next to him.

“I’m not parading around in something so intimate.” Lance huffs, his arms crossed and tone indignant.

“So, what, you’re gonna go around naked?” Keith mocks, ignoring the haughty alien and heading to a stall to change, from the sound of it Hunk does as well.

“That’s right, I will just go naked! That’s how we swam where I’m from, anyways!”

“Where are you from?” Hunk asks from the stall next to Keith’s, shooting the latter’s nerves into overdrive.

“C-CUBA!” Keith practically squeaks out, “H-he’s from a small town in Cuba, right?”

“Es verdad.” Lance says, before going on a tangent in Spanish about how underwear is an intimate thing where he is from and to show it in public is shameful, but the human body is fine and honestly Keith is just getting bits and pieces because _damn he talks fast_.

Also, way to fucking pour it on thick, Lance.

A simple yes would have worked.

God damn show off alien.

“So...it’s a cultural thing…?” Hunk asks as he and Keith leave their stalls in their trunks and shirts, “The naked body is more acceptable than intimate clothing?”

“That’s right.”

“But...swim trunks aren’t underwear.” Keith sighs, “They don’t even look or feel like it.” He reaches into his bag and pulls out his boxers, lifting them up to Lance’s face, “Compare them to the trunks you have.”

Lance goes bright red and Hunk clears his throat.

“So I’m gonna...go wait outside…” Hunk laughs awkwardly before making a bee line for the door.

“You scared him off.” Lance says, clearly flustered and looking anywhere but at Keith and his boxers.

“Pretty sure you blushing while _he thinks we’re dating_ sent him away.” Keith counters, shoving his boxers into Lance’s now trembling hands, “Anyways, compare for yourself. Completely different feel and build compared...to...are-are you okay?”

“No!” Lance shrieks, chucking Keith’s boxers in his face, “You shoved your _underwear_ in my face! Knowing how my people feel about them! It’s an _intimate_ object and it _smells_ like **_you_ ** and it’s just-!”

“ **_Oh my god_ ** ! You don’t just _smell_ someone’s underwear!” Keith screams, mortified.

“You _shoved it in my face_ ! Alteans have amazing senses of smell, you know!” Lance yells back, somehow more flustered than Keith, whose _underwear was just smelled._ “This is one of the reasons it’s such a private thing!”

“I get it, I get it, but seriously! Swim trunks are just shorts made with a different fabric, not underwear! So _please_ put them on!” He begs, eyes looking anywhere but Lance.

“F-fine! If it will keep you from shoving your _boxers_ at me, I’ll wear the damn things!”

“ _Thank you!_ ”

Lance vanishes into a stall to change into the pair of trunks Hunk let him borrow, while Keith curses the shit luck he must have to find _this alien_. Soon enough, the altean comes back out in just the shorts, looking uncomfortable but resigned, and Keith chokes on air the second he sees him.

He definitely didn’t expect the trunks to fit Lance so _perfectly_ . They’re simple, but they follow the curves of his hips and legs _closely_ , and the shade of blue goes so well against his skin, he’s pretty sure it even matches his strange Altean markings, which is pretty amazing, given they are hand-me-downs from Hunk.

Lance, oblivious to Keith’s internal freak out, blushes and puts his shirt back on, pinching some of the trunk’s fabric against his leg, “It’s so... _thin_.”

“S-so! Uummm,” Keith squeaks out, trying to change the subject to anything but Lance in his fucking trunks, “Random question…but...” He begins, thinking back to _all literature ever_ that he has seen of anything even remotely close to this situation, and an age old debate between him and Pidge about aliens, “You said your sense of smell is amazing...but um...what can you smell?”

“....Scents…?” Lance offers, clearly confused.

“I mean, like, um...can you smell if someone is lying? Angry? Sad? O...other...things?”

“What? How the hell would you do that? Emotions don’t have a scent. Maybe you could tell from an increase in swear, I guess? I don’t really know how you would _smell_ sadness. I’d probably see it from the body language, but you don’t _smell_ sadness.”

Keith smirks, muttering under his breath, “I fucking _knew it_.”

“Why…?”

“Just an age old argument between Pidge and I.”

Lance’s expression drops, “You guys are really weird.”

Keith sighs, “Yeah, yeah, we are huge fucking nerd. Let’s just get out there.” He says, heading out first, leading them over to Pidge and Hunk, standing near the women’s changing area surrounded by beach stuff.

Luckily, Pidge always wears pretty boyish clothes when they go to the beach. She favors swim trunks herself, and wears a bathing suit tank top under her ever present beach hoodie.

He’s pretty sure Lance would have a heart attack if he saw Pidge in something like a two piece. Probably beg her to change.

Although, admittedly, that might be fun to see.

“Get your asses over here and grab some shit!” Pidge exclaims, both of them quickly going over and doing as she says.

On their way down, Keith continues to eye Lance, waiting for him to look over to the ocean. He’s seen it from the car and seemed to enjoy it, but he hasn’t seen it up close yet. Even now he’s not looking, his eyes staring hard at the ground as he struggles with the excessive amount of beach supplies he decided to take upon himself.

“Is he gonna be alright?” Hunk asks, “Shouldn’t we help him?”

“Nah,” Keith smirks, trying to hide the enjoyment of seeing Lance look so clumsy and _failing,_ “He’s fine. Besides, we’re almost to the sand so even if he falls he’ll be fine.”

“Such a loving boyfriend.” Pidge teases, “How lucky he is to have you.”

“Whoa!” Lance gasps, looking back to the others with wide-eyed excitement, “Beach sand is way different from desert sand!” He exclaims, slipping his flip flops off and wiggling his toes in it, “So nice.”

“Lance, you keep looking at the ground,” Keith sighs, coming up and placing a hand under Lance’s chin, gently tilting his face up to look out at the ocean, “The view is way better out there.”

For a moment, Lance’s eyes _literally_ shine. The strange colors he masks now out and reflecting the water in a way human eyes _definitely can’t._ Lance is absolutely mesmerized by the ocean, and Keith…

Keith might be mesmerized by Lance.

But only for, like, a _second_.

“He must really love the ocean, huh?” Hunk asks, pulling Keith’s attention away.

“Hah, yeah, well, the ocean is beautiful, after all.” Keith mutters, eyes boring holes into the sand now.

“Oh? You look at him like he does the ocean. Does that mean you think he’s beautiful?” The taller teen teases, making Keith cringe at the cheesiness.

Right, he thinks they’re dating.

“Yeah, well, I mean…” Keith sighs, his voice coming out pained, “ _Yeah.”_ He croaks out before clearing his throat, “Let’s set this stuff down and go to the water.”

Hunk just gives him a soft, knowing smile, “Of course.”

_Why, Lance?_

_Why?_

 

_~~~RIP Licht~~~ March 2017 - Jan 2019_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys! I wanted to get this out before the end of December (HAH) buuuut then I had to get to work on moving. 
> 
> Because I moved. To a new place....at the old apartment complex I used to live in, lol. It's nice and big but it has carpet, and as a pet owner I absolutely HATE carpet.  
> Anyways, sorry if this is scattered. My life is fucking scattered. (I've been living here for three weeks now and haven't finished unpacking. Not even a little lol I'm a terrible adult)
> 
> ((Also fun fact, in the middle of writing these end notes I went to change my hamster's food and she was dead. She was old and I knew she was dying but WOW this is fucking shitty I hate today. There will be a pic of her up at the end of the chapter. (It throws off the whole mood of the story but fuck it) Her name was Licht and she was a robo hamster. She was tiny and didn't like to be held but she enjoyed eating from my hand and was always super gentle, licking me and playing on her wheel nonstop. I fall asleep to that sound. Well, fell asleep to it. Guess I'm gonna be having some late nights now without it. Without her.))

**Author's Note:**

> This mess took literally three months and over 20 rewrites to be even remotely acceptable to me I wanted to write this type of story but I DID NOT want Lance to be the naive little damsel (or dude version of damsel?) in distress like most fish out of water stuff bc I don't think an Altean WOULD be. I see Altean Lance as someone who would see a microwave and be like 'aawww I remember when WE used to have those. Oh wait. No I don't, because it was literally 500 years before I was born.'
> 
> I know nothing of alien stories that aren't horror or ecchi tropes and I know nothing of Alien enthusiasts, the only one I know of is Ryan from Buzzfeed Unsovled and I feel like he's a very diluted one so yeah  
> Any, like, information on what a hardcore alien enthusiast might have or do would be super cool


End file.
